Questions

The waiting room connected with a plexi-glass screening area, complete with full body scanners and what looked like sliding doors. I took a seat my eyes met with a security guard who sat in the corner.

The room had no table, no magazines. I sat nervously, trying not to slouch or sweat. I took another quick glance at the security guard, who still stared relentlessly at me. He furrowed his brow. Two suits entered the door, breaking the eternal moment of awkwardness.

The interviewers each took turns shaking my hand, never quite keeping eye contact. The lady with buzzed short blonde hair and glasses introduced herself as Elaine. She wore a light blue jacket that somehow reminded me of hospital attire. The other one was a large muscular man, seeming to have a military disposition of some sort, bald and tanned, yet stuffed awkwardly into an expensive looking suit. His face seemed to be cast in a permanent snarl that thickened as he squeezed my hand like a wet sponge. He did not say his name.

I expected to go through the security hallway, and met eyes with the security guard once more. He rolled his eyes, as the interviewers headed the opposite way through a side door into a plain white room containing four chairs surrounding a table. We sat.

Question. What was your previous job, and what was your favorite daily task?

Question. What are you looking for in this opportunity?

Question. Do you believe in God?

Question. Could you eat a combination of the same 3 meals for duration of your employment?

Question. Would you have a problem with a one year or longer sexual abstinence?

Question. What are your normal bowel movement times?

Pause. Stare. Glance at army dude. Wince.

Question. If put in a position to kill to survive, what would your reaction be?

Question. Do you have any personal relationship with the US Army.

Question. Do you have any personal relationship with members of a European government?

Question. Do you have any drug problems, or use any psychedelic substances on a regular basis?

Question. Would you be willing to if required?

Question? Drink this.